I moved to Bellingham because my coach lives up here, I came to run, train, no other reason. I had to come up here because I was already 24 and getting old fast but not getting fast old. So what does my coach do as soon as I get here? He moves to freaking Iowa!!!! (and okay I realize that it has been a little over a year since I moved here but I think he had been planning it that long) I have been abandoned in Bellingham.
He went away to be a director of track and field operations at the University of Iowa where they have more than seven girls who can run 16:45 for the 5k. Sure I get it, I would leave me too, I could never run 16:45 for a 5k if you shoved a rocket up my butt. Now Joel will say, "Yeah, well you got fourth in the country in the 50k, they couldn't do that, stop being so insecure, blah blah blah." Yeah well everyone only cares about the 5k! Really you're supposed to be secure at the old age of twenty five but I don't feel twenty five, I feel exactly like I did when I was twenty and I still get lots of acne so obviously my body doesn't think I'm 25 either.
Joel will come back in May to coach us again but that seems like a really long time away. How many miles is that? Like 3000? 3000 is a lot of miles to run all alone. It is easy for me to run sometimes. Sometimes I can run for 30 miles and not feel so tired. I ran a 26 mile run a few weeks ago and then went to work, it was no big deal. I wish other things were easy for me though like making friends. Why is it easier to run thirty miles than find someone to hang out with after? I think I am probably the only person in the world like that.
Since I dont have anyone to go with I've been running with audiobooks. Over the last couple weeks I finished Uglies, Pretties and Specials- about 33 hours of books I think. Of course I ran 101 miles in one week, then a 105, a 100 and this past week another 101. Pretties helped me through a 20 mile run that might have been an eleven otherwise. I told myself I couldn't listen to it unless I was running so I kept running until I had finished it. I've done two 30 mile runs, one 26, three 20s, a 17, a 16, and had two slow workouts that were supposed to be a lot faster. Joel decides what my times should be over the phone now. Joel holds me in higher esteem than I have for myself, almost as if he does think I am as important as a girl who runs a 16:45. I want to prove him right but I get frustrated when i am tired and can't. It's frustrating being by yourself, being tired all the time, knowing that your coach is somewhere else coaching girls that you want to be like but can't. Even if deep down you know that you are good at different things and your coach does like you and think you are a good runner it's hard to remember in the midst of a 105 mile week, running a 12:45 3k that was supposed to be an 11:40 and feeling like your legs fell off miles ago. You want someone to yell at but all you have is yourself.
Well, I hope things do get better for you soon. You're a good person and you deserve to have a great life <3
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