Evergreen Hall of Fame Induction

 I was honored to be inducted into my college athletics Hall of Fame this month. My alma matter being the Evergreen State College in Olympia Washington. 

 I was not the fast kid. I was the last kid. I remember running at Junior Olympics, cross country. The official would say into a walky-talky when I ran by, “Last place has gone by me, last place has gone by.” When I would complain to my coach about this she said, “Oh they don't say that!” But they totally did.

 So to get to a place where I was setting school records, making nationals, and being honored with a Hall of fame induction still feels a little surreal.

 I was not the most naturally talented, but when I got to college I discovered a talent of sorts that I did have and that was that I was willing to run more miles than just about anyone.

 When I went to Evergreen I had a friend on the custodial staff, a man who mowed the lawns. He would see us at practice and read articles about the team in The Olympian. He'd see me running over the summer and would chat with me about the article about the team he'd read. We'd often do intervals in the field and in 2007 I was leading the girl's team by a lot. In 2008 our team got a lot better. We got some new girls. We were the best team in Evergreen's history- nationally ranked, third place in our competitive conference. We were really close in time and would pace each other at practice and it was great to be a part of a competitive team that made each other better. Except, my friend, the custodian, had a chat with me. He was concerned I had not run enough over the summer, and that was why my teammates were beating me. I tried to explain- it's not me, it's them! I had actually run more and was running faster. Simplest explanation tells us that it is more likely that 1 runner got slower than 4 other runners got faster, but in this case the simplest explanation was not correct.

 It was not my idea to be an ultra runner. It was my post collegiate coach's. But ultra running was the best avenue for my success because in ultra running the work horse is rewarded. It was less about natural talent and more about how hard you were willing to work. 

 I used to run 140 mile weeks. 

 30 mile long runs.

 Once, a 4 x 10 mile.

 8 hour time trial. 

 I used to run to work, run home. Run from my sister's house in Seattle to my parents' in Renton. This was actually when I was lazy, as I wouldn't waste time commuting and could sleep in!

 I wouldn't say I loved every minute of this. In fact I spent quite a few hours running whilst feeling very sorry for myself. I did it because I wanted to be the best runner I could be.

 When people say- oh it's just sports. Sports don't matter. The lessons I take from my ultra training help me in every area of my life.

 Hard work, perseverance, dealing with adversity, accountability, self esteem and confidence. I can't believe that most parents out there that haven't gone through ultra training!  

 I tell myself when I am not feeling well - once I did not feel well and then I ran 40 more miles. You've got this!

Track meets as a mom/athlete

 I'm racing through the entrance of civic field with a child in each arm. There's a line to check in. Three arm bands that will have to wait to be put on, only time to make 2 name tags right now. Running across the field with 2 children,  applying wrist bands mid run. Plop toddler down on the track within seconds of the start of the 2 year old hurdles. We're not going to be late for my race, ha! I may as well be running tomorrow. It's track season kiddos!

Track meets with kids: help 2 yr old with race, wait around while 5 yr old demands turn. 2 decides race was not long enough, is about 100 meters away. Aww, she's an ultra toddler. 5 is running circles around the javelin. Help 5 yr old with race. Suprisingly, or not surprisingly, after all that waiting 5 is not ready to start race, takes about a 5 second delayed start. That'll kill your 50 meter chances. Find 2 who is climbing bleachers. Long jump time. Except not really, it's really just a big sandbox. We need to go across the track for 2's next race. But I'm playing sand box! Mom you's a BAD GUY! Collect 2 and 2 and 5's shoes and run across field while getting hit for spoiling play time. 5 is playing in the bleachers. 2 is actually a pretty good racer ("I ran fast at track meet. I won!) At 2 if you can run in a straight line all the way to the finish line without being distracted you are 90th percentile. 2 loves blue! Now 5 has disappeared. Gather 2 to look behind bleachers for 5. There is no 5. There is no 5! 5 has disappeared! Ask officials if they have seen 5, run around carrying 2 in panic looking for 5. Finally see her at the other end of the bleachers, crying with an adult. 5 ran to other end of the bleachers near finish line to watch 2's race and was hiding for some reason and is now traumatized. Comfort 5. Dad, who showed up about 5 minutes ago declares time to leave. 5 is cheered up enough to run her race which has just started. Runs 50 meters. Despite the short race distance 5 finds time to chat with fellow participants who look baffled as to why someone would be bothering them while they are racing. 5 loves green! Dad takes 2 and 5 home. Ahhhh.

Now it's only 2 hours until the 5k. My first chance to sit down all day. Feel like I'm in college again. Just sitting at a track meet all day, waiting for my turn to run, while getting increasingly anxious, except now two thirds of my anxiety has gone home. Anyone who has ever been to a youth track meet will not be shocked to hear that the 100 takes longer than the 5k. Once the 100 is over most people have left. Yet somehow the 200 still takes 15 minutes longer than is allocated for it on the schedule. It is almost 9 o'clock, in the pm, yet still light out. 2 and 5 are probably still awake, ok, the 200 can last a little longer. 

My unofficial goal is to run under 21 minutes. That's about 1:40 a lap. This is basically sprinting for me. In some ways the 5k is harder than the half marathon. I say unofficial because I have doubts I can run this fast anymore. But my race goes really well. I ran 20:34, which is my fastest 5k since 2013. 

Running Mom Crazy

 A lot has happened since my last blog. In April 2018 my first daughter was born, and in November 2020 m second. I am now returning to running in my biggest comeback since 2016. I have been running 50-60 miles a week, long run 14-16 miles, and ran my first half marathon in 7 years in March. (1:39), 5k (21:26) Faster than high school!

Running is difficult, being a mom is difficult and running while being a mom to preschool age children is even more difficult. But where there's a will there's a way, where there is no will there is no way. I am so grateful for my treadmill for making my comeback possible. I have many running friends who say they couldn't bear to run on the treadmill. That is 90% of runs. It is my miracle running machine. I used to be the running machine and now I have my own running machine. It enables me to run all my crazy miles and miles and never leave my house. I can run AND watch my kids at the same time. Take that guilt! 

To achieve your running goals as a mom all you need to do is neglect other areas of your life. For instance- I could put the toys away but in half an hour (or half a minute) they'll just be on the floor again. If you skip it, no one will know. Tomorrow will still happen even if the dishes aren't done- usually a few hours earlier than there is any reason for it to. Don't sweep after breakfast or lunch, but dinner, ( if you sweep at all. Tomorrow also comes if you don't sweep.) After dinner is the longest you can go without stepping on wet cheerios. Don't fold the laundry- just throw it in their drawers- they're going to have so much fun later pulling every item out and tossing it on the floor anyways. By now you may be screaming- but I like having a clean house! Oh man, me too. I just can. Not. Have one. I could spend my entire day cleaning and it would still look like a tornado invaded my living room. Cleaning when you have little kids is one of the most unrewarding jobs there is. (Also writing.) I can have a clean house when I'm old. How much of a runner can I be then? 

The internet tells me, "Don't ever let TV be your babysitter." Oh yeah, well, TV is the only babysitter I can afford. 

Tempos are run at 9pm at night. I love intervals now! So much time to check on my kids. Give me a two minute rest break and I can make a quesadilla.  I got sick more this winter than I did in the past decade. On the plus side, on the rare occasion I run and I'm NOT sick, it feels amazing! Funny story- did I mention how I found out I had Covid? My 15 mile felt hard, I still did it, I just got chills afterwards. 

I ran my best races and my highest mileage between the ages of 20-26. By 27 I was completely mentally burnt out. I tried many times to recover to no avail. This comeback feels better in a number of ways. Running is not my number one priority anymore. And that's a good thing! It takes the pressure off. My whole life is a little harder and that makes running seem easier. Time goes by so much faster now. Have to do a hard workout? Well in an hour or two it will be over. It won't last forever- nothing does. Not even being pregnant during a pandemic, whilst locked in the house with a 2 year old. 

It is easier to run (and do everything else!) without children but then easy has never been my style.

Birch Bay Marathon

My legs are like the battery in my mp3 player. They can keep going once they are depleted unless you press any of the buttons. If you power that thing off it won't have enough juice to turn back on again. Luckily my shoe lace did not come untied in the last 4 miles like it was threatening to.
My friend told me about two months ago that we should do the Birch Bay marathon. I was like, oh, my long run right now is an hour, hmmm. I moved it up to two hours that weekend easily enough so I was like- you're on!
I live in a sort of good place for running. If you like running lots of hills. The Stimson Nature reserve is in my backyard, literally. From there it is a three minute or so vertical climb, the trail itself is a bit hilly and I can get to Sudden Valley from the trail which really should be called Sudden Mountain. If I don't want to run hills I have to drive somewhere else, so it boils down to which do I hate more? Driving, or running hills? Usually driving wins the most hated competition.
Running a marathon you have been training for for two months is painful! I have never done that before! I ran 3:47 which on the one hand is 30 minutes slower than I have run on the Birch Bay course before ( I actually did a 30 mile there that was a minute faster and felt much better), but on the other hand it is kind of cool that I can return to sub four marathoning in two months. Maybe I should train longer next time...It might keep the number one thought in my head from being- I want a car to hit me so I don't have to run anymore! (JK, please cars don't hit me again) Except my friend's boyfriend, Chikara Omine, who won the race said that was close along the lines of what he was thinking as well. Why do we all do marathons if we just want to quit the entire time?   

Joel Wants You to Think He is Nice Now

He says that on the phone-
I have learned my lesson. I'm nice now.
What is that lesson?
That I shouldn't make people run what I want them to run, but let them run what they love,
I'm paraphrasing, I don't remember exactly what he said, but I wish I did, because the way I remember it that sounds like I get to run the steeplechase now!
He's had lots of practice acting nice while coaching other people, namely college children. He tells me a lot about how nice he is to his college children. He does things like let them talk and he just listens, huh. You have to be nice to college children because their tuition kind of pays for the athletic staff, they have overprotective parents and school officials and they just can't handle ultra running. I'm totally not jealous, btw. Even though they get to do fun things like cross country and the steeplechase and team practices. They also have to go to school. Euw.
So Joel's trying to lure me back into running by doing things like saying "good job" after I've run 6 miles. I don't know who you are anymore. I am training small, goal right now just to run the Birch Bay marathon with my friend Diann at a leisurely pace. That still requires long runs. But an amazing thing has happened the last few long runs- they weren't totally terrible. I've run two and half hours and two forty five and even though my 2012 self would not have considered that a long run, that's still a lot of running. Being able to recognize that may be the first step to recovery. I'm at the second step- I can do that distance again and only sort of not like it, just a healthy normal amount. Part me thinks it's kind of an exciting challenge to run far and it can go by quicker than I think. Another amazing thing has happened- I've gone on an 8 mile run and felt good about it. I didn't feel like I should go curl up in a ball and die for being such a lazy bad runner. 8 miles is good, I thought. Another day I ran 11 just because it felt good to be in the woods, not because I would feel guilty if I ran less than 10, I was running for a reason other than guilt. Guilt is not a good reason to run btw, it might seem like it because it can last for several years but it is a miserable experience and will fail eventually.
   Joel says- I am sorry, he used to be a little umm insane? He says he's learned now that athletes have to keep wanting to run. You can't physically force someone to run especially when you are in Milwaukee and can't drive right behind them with a whip. (Disclaimer- ok Joel never did this. I'm sure he thought about it though.) He says- I want you to love running again.
He says all this but he is making me write my blog when I am sick and have woken up at one in the morning. I fell asleep though and finished the next morning. And I don't feel too bad about that, ha!

I'm coming back

One day last May I scared myself with a fleeting thought dancing past my brain- what if I didn't wake up every morning and with a big 0 hanging over me that I had to turn into a 20? What if I just stopped? It made me scared how deliriously happy that thought made me. It made me sad how ridiculously happy that thought made me. It was the first time I allowed myself to think it. It gave me an identity crisis.
One day a few months later I did stop. I was at four miles and I wanted to go home. So I did. For the next 11 months or so I ran sometimes as much as I wanted to, sometimes more, occasionally not at all. I tried doing speed workouts, I tried doing ultra runs without really training for them. I tried every team in town.
Many days I thought about what my old life was like. There were things I missed, there were things I did not miss. There were some things I missed an awful lot.
Like having dreams. Before running turned into a waking nightmare.
It wasn't one day but over the course of all those days that I began to hate running less, to like it some, to love it some, I only hate running occasionally, dislike it a bit, like it some, love it deep down. So I am back here. To my blog page I guess, is a good place to start. To my coach, Joel, to the 50k, to New York. I made the decision to train with Joel again, for the 50k, for the National Champs in March.
I don't want to go back to the hating place so we are taking it slow, 100 mile weeks. I think I could get used to that. I never quite got used to 140. Joel says you don't actually have to do 140 unless you want to be a 24 hour runner. I don't, nope, nada. Not today.
Sometimes it takes one day. Sometimes it takes 11 months.
BTW- I'm never going to run the 11 month race. 

Ski to Sea

I really forgot that this was a bad idea. Why are bad ideas so much fun?
I'm not sure exactly why Ski to Sea is fun. I have to get up at 4 in the morning, (surprisingly there are birds up at this hour, who knew? Ugh, who wants to know?) The cross country skier starts the race at 7:45 at the top of Mt. Baker, then hands off to the downhill skier. Lots of runners do the downhill skiing leg I learned this year because the leg consists of running up hill in the snow in ski boots and then downhill skiing back down. If I had skied since 8th grade that might have been a better option. I get to race third. They called out my number- 79 very early this year. I take off down the mountain with a pack of super fast guys behind me and no one slow to catch. My ankle injury took a lot out of me and I have to work really hard to run fast and it's not quite as fast as last year. I expect it to be fast this year so I don't get to be pleasantly surprised like the year before. I run as fast as I can to get the chip to my teammate bike racer. It hurts more than last year too, especially the last half mile which is the only part of the 8 mile race that is not downhill. The first 7.5 miles are so downhill that it hurts. It is flat but after all that downhill it feels like running uphill.
My legs are not that sore yet. That will come tomorrow so I am able to walk around and stand and wait in the rain (it is always raining on ski to sea day) for one hour until the cars are released from the top of the mountain, and then one more hour for them to drive down the mountain, (it takes longer to drive than to run.)
I am cold and wet and tired but still having fun for some reason.
We drive to the finish and this is the first year I get to watch the finish. After I passed off to the road bike, he passes off to the canoe leg, they pass off to the mountain biker who passes off to the kayaker. The kayaker finishes the race at Fairhaven park by jumping out of the kayak and running up the grass to the finish line, ringing the bell. The entire race is about 93 miles. My team finished in 6:55 for 26th place overall, out of about 500 teams, and 2nd in our division.
When I go to bed I can still move, my legs don't feel too bad. When I wake up the next morning I can hardly move. I don't think my quads are supposed to be this big. I have to crawl down the stairs. That still hurts. I have to pick up my legs with my hands if I want to move them. That still hurts. It doesn't feel better the next day either. That is delayed muscle soreness- it is delayed coming and it is delayed going. I feel a bit better on Wednesday. I have post Ski to Sea blues though, that feels worse than my quads.
I know why this is fun. It is fun because for one day a year I get to have teammates and I want to be on a team and have teammates even more than I want to be fast. But as soon as I get some they are gone.