Blues

I have the running blues. I have been so burnt out by running I haven't even written in my blog! Since the 12 hour run I have been struggling to find any joy or reason to run. To be fair I am still me, so even when I am as destitute as this I still run about 65 miles a week.

I used to love running. I used to love working hard because I knew it would make me better. I loved how with every step I could say- I am getting better! I am getting faster!

It doesn't seem that way anymore. Now it feels like with every step I am just getting cold, I am just getting wet, I am just getting lonely, I feel like every step gets slower.

I don't know who I would be without running. Running is what made me special. I ran a lot- that was who I am. I ran A LOT! I ran super duper uber far. Everyday. That was me. I could handle it. I could handle anything. I miss that.

I miss my coach and I miss my teammates. I miss having races that I was excited about, that were fun, not just terrifying and seemingly insurmountable. I miss getting better, and I miss loving running.